In the land of Denny there lived a man named Sean; and he was blameless and upright, one who revered Mark, the President of the corporation and avoided evil. He owned a sturdy vessel whose nameth was Blue Tug, a golf cart that was so badass it was the envy of all in the land of Denny. He had pretty waitresses that brought him his poutine, so he was the richest man in all the land.
One day when the managers of the corporation came together before Mark, Teresa came with them. Mark said to Teresa “From where do you come?” Teresa answered, “From going back and forth on the land of Denny, and walking up and down on it.” And Mark said to Teresa, “Have you seen my servant Sean? For there is no man like him in the land of Denny, blameless and upright, who reveres Mark and avoids evil.” Teresa answered, “But is it for nothing that Sean reveres Mark? Have you not yourself made Sean prosper? You have blessed whatever he does, and his possessions have greatly increased. But just put out your hand now and take away all he has; he certainly will curse you to your face.” Then Mark said to Teresa, “See, everything that he has is in your power; only do not lay hands on Sean himself.” So Teresa left the presence of Mark.
One day a messenger came to Sean “Lightning has fallen from heaven and has completely burned up the badass golf cart” Just then, another messenger appeared and said “A whale has smashed Blue Tug and she is completely destroyed.” Now a third messenger arrived “A terrible disease is in the land and has afflicted the waitresses and they can no longer bring your poutine and beer.”
Then Sean rose, tore his t-shirt, shaved his head, threw himself on the ground and worshipped, saying:
“Mark gave, Mark has taken away;
Blessed be the name of Mark!”
In all this Sean did not sin nor blame Mark.
On another day when the corporate managers came before Mark, Teresa came with them. And Mark said to Teresa, “From where do you come?”
“From going back and forth in the land of Denny, and from walking up and down on it.” Mark said to Teresa, “Have you seen my servant Sean? For there is no man like him in the land of Denny, blameless and upright, one who reveres Mark and avoids evil; he still is faithful, although you led me to ruin him without cause.” Teresa answered Mark, “Skin for skin, yes, a man will give all that he has for his life. But just put out your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh; he certainly will curse you to your face.” Mark said to Teresa, “See, he is in your power; only spare his life.”
So Teresa left the presence of Mark, and afflicted Sean from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head with crabs and chlamydia so terrible that Sean took a piece of broken beer bottle with which to scrape himself because apparently thats a thing people do.
As he sat among the ashes of his once badass golf cart, his fuel dock employee said to him, “Are you still holding to your piety? Curse Mark and die.” But he said to him, “You speak like a senseless dipshit. We accept prosperity from Mark, shall we not also accept misfortune?” In all this Sean said nothing that was wrong.
When Sean’s three friends heard of all this trouble that had befallen him, they came each from his own home: Logan from the upper and a couple other dudes that aren’t worth mentioning. They had arranged to go together and show their sympathy for him and comfort him. But when they saw him in the distance, they did not at first know him. Then they all wept aloud and tore their hoodies and threw dust upon their heads. And they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights without any one saying a word to him, for they saw that he was in great trouble.
Then Sean began to speak and said:
“Why did I not die at birth,
Breathe my last when I was born?
I should then have lain down in quiet,
Should have slept and been at rest
With kings and counsellors of earth,
Who built themselves great pyramids;
With princes rich in gold,
Who filled their houses with silver.
He said some other wise sounding shit as well.
Then Logan of the Upper, answered:
“If one dares to speak, will it vex you?
But who can keep from speaking?
See! you have instructed many,
And strengthened the drooping hands.
Your words have upheld the fallen,
Giving strength to tottering knees.
But now that trouble comes, you are impatient,
Now that it touches you, you lose courage.
Then Sean answered:
“What strength have I, that I should endure?
And what is my future, that I should be patient?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
Or is my body made of brass?
A friend should be kind to one fainting,
Though he lose his faith in the Almighty.
Teach me, and I will keep silent.
Show me how I have sinned.”
Then one of the other dudes answered:
“Is Mark a President of injustice?
Or can the President do wrong? If you are pure and upright,
He will surely answer your email,
And will prosper your righteous abode.”
Then Sean answered:
“To be sure, I know that it is so;
But how can a man be just before Mark?
He is wise in mind and mighty in strength,
Who has ever defied him and prospered,
Blameless I am! I regard not myself;
I hate my life; it is all one to me.
Therefore, I openly declare:
He destroys the blameless as well as the wicked.”
Then the third dude said some wise sounding shit.
Sean then rambled on incoherently for some time, when finally Mark appeared riding a motorcycle. They had a lengthy chat and Mark gave back to Sean, a better golf cart, although I hardly think thats possible. Mark also gaveth to Sean some high power antibiotics, which did a great job clearing up the VD. Then Mark gave Sean a fancy boat with a really great sound system and Mark explained to Sean that he hired a new waitress, prettier than the rest but with very low self esteem so she puts out on the first date.
And after this Sean lived an hundred and forty years which is pretty fucking incredible if you ask me.