Mad biter of Bella
Thats right folks, there’s a mad biter on the loose. So far he’s claimed six victims, all of whom are eagerly awaiting the results of their rabies tests. He was last seen roaming the streets of Bella with a pack of dogs. If you happen to see him, call the local dog catcher. The RCMP are also seeking a German immigrant for knocking out the mad biter’s K-9 teeth. Simon continues to hide out from the law, so if you happen to be aware of his whereabouts, keep it to yourself. We expect this to blow over quickly, or at least we’ll have a free place to stay in Germany should Simon be deported. There’s always a bright side to every story. In other news the RCMP are seeking interviews with Gunner and Angus in regard to the notorious breakwater dog incident. If you have any information, keep it to yourself, or if you must share, contact yours truly.
Some people have too much money
This is a friendly note to the yachties that hired scuba Mike to make sure their anchor made it to the bottom. Thanks for buying drinks, should you have any further issue, we’re still thirsty.
This may be old news, but official sources have verified Bobby is banned not only from the Bar and Grill, but also the smoke pit. He has been spotted attempting to recruit junior Shearwater employees to purchase cigarettes from the vending machine. It may be tempting to help the poor guy out, but remember, the world is coming to an end on September 23 and its all Bobby’s fault. Him and that wacky Korean dictator. You could also put yourself at risk of being banned, Steve the barman has not been in a good mood lately.
Helicopter pilot vs. DB Dave
If you live in the Shearwater ghetto, you’ve likely heard the story and received the notice under your door. DB has been sucking up vast quantities of cocaine laced with strychnine and meth and bringing his merry band of followers to the tarmac for iced tea and and a jerk off session. Willow and Fabian aren’t having any of it and rumour has it, Fabian put DB over his knee and spanked him. Its possible DB’s band will be disbanded in the aftermath of the incident. Speaking of the tarmac, a couple young ladies were spotted leaving there with one of Shearwater’s newest and youngest employees. The RCMP are investigating.
Its open season! The BC department of whatever has announced an open season on old white people in kayaks. There’s no bag limit, and its recommended that you “nudge” them with a fast boat. Please circle back and make sure you did the job on the first pass, it would be sad to see them suffer. But seriously, kayakers suck.
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