Roscoe Inlet 

 

AKirstyn and I accompanied Nick and Willow in the Shearwater staff boat on a trip to the head of Roscoe inlet yesterday afternoon.  Roscoe is one of the many inland fiords that cuts deep into the mainland of British Columbia.  The terrain is rugged, mountains with shear rock walls dropping hundreds of feet into the sea.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The round trip from Denny Island was about 66 nautical miles which stretched the range of our fuel supply so we went easy on the throttle to be sure we could make it home.  None of us was eager to spend the night in the cold rain, and with Roscoe being about as remote as any place on the coast, there would be a good chance no one would hear a radio broadcast made from far up the inlet.  Having access to a fast boat is a great perk to working at Shearwater, we’d considered doing this trip in the sailboat over a long weekend, but lack of anchorages and other priorities have gotten in the way.  On top of the stunning landscape, we saw some humpback whales feeding, so we stopped the boat and fished a bit with a humpback occasionally surfacing nearby.  After we managed to snag a couple decent rockfish it was time to head for home.

 

 

Back at the Tarmac (that’s the staff ghetto that Willow calls home) Willow cooked our catch with rice, vegetables and a nice curry sauce.  Not bad for a rainy day on the Central Coast.

The story of Sean

In the land of Denny there lived a man named Sean; and he was blameless and upright, one who revered Mark, the President of the corporation and avoided evil.  He owned a sturdy vessel whose nameth was Blue Tug, a golf cart that was so badass it was the envy of all in the land of Denny.  He had pretty waitresses that brought him his poutine, so he was the richest man in all the land.

One day when the managers of the corporation came together before Mark, Teresa came with them.  Mark said to Teresa “From where do you come?” Teresa answered, “From going back and forth on the land of Denny, and walking up and down on it.” And Mark said to Teresa, “Have you seen my servant Sean? For there is no man like him in the land of Denny, blameless and upright, who reveres Mark and avoids evil.” Teresa answered, “But is it for nothing that Sean reveres Mark? Have you not yourself made Sean prosper? You have blessed whatever he does, and his possessions have greatly increased. But just put out your hand now and take away all he has; he certainly will curse you to your face.” Then Mark said to Teresa, “See, everything that he has is in your power; only do not lay hands on Sean himself.” So Teresa left the presence of Mark.

One day a messenger came to Sean “Lightning has fallen from heaven and has completely burned up the badass golf cart”  Just then, another messenger appeared and said “A  whale has smashed Blue Tug and she is completely destroyed.”  Now a third messenger arrived “A terrible disease is in the land and has afflicted the waitresses and they can no longer bring your poutine and beer.”

Then Sean rose, tore his t-shirt, shaved his head, threw himself on the ground and worshipped, saying:

“Mark gave, Mark has taken away;
Blessed be the name of Mark!”

In all this Sean did not sin nor blame Mark.
On another day when the corporate managers came before Mark, Teresa came with them. And Mark said to Teresa, “From where do you come?”

“From going back and forth in the land of Denny, and from walking up and down on it.” Mark said to Teresa, “Have you seen my servant Sean? For there is no man like him in the land of Denny, blameless and upright, one who reveres Mark and avoids evil; he still is faithful, although you led me to ruin him without cause.” Teresa answered Mark, “Skin for skin, yes, a man will give all that he has for his life. But just put out your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh; he certainly will curse you to your face.” Mark said to Teresa, “See, he is in your power; only spare his life.”

So Teresa left the presence of Mark, and afflicted Sean from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head with crabs and chlamydia so terrible that Sean took a piece of broken beer bottle with which to scrape himself because apparently thats a thing people do.

As he sat among the ashes of his once badass golf cart, his fuel dock employee said to him, “Are you still holding to your piety? Curse Mark and die.” But he said to him, “You speak like a senseless dipshit. We accept prosperity from Mark, shall we not also accept misfortune?” In all this Sean said nothing that was wrong.

When Sean’s three friends heard of all this trouble that had befallen him, they came each from his own home: Logan from the upper and a couple other dudes that aren’t worth mentioning. They had arranged to go together and show their sympathy for him and comfort him. But when they saw him in the distance, they did not at first know him. Then they all wept aloud and tore their hoodies and threw dust upon their heads. And they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights without any one saying a word to him, for they saw that he was in great trouble.

Then Sean began to speak and said:
“Why did I not die at birth,
Breathe my last when I was born?
I should then have lain down in quiet,
Should have slept and been at rest
With kings and counsellors of earth,
Who built themselves great pyramids;
With princes rich in gold,
Who filled their houses with silver.

He said some other wise sounding shit as well.

Then Logan of the Upper, answered:
“If one dares to speak, will it vex you?
But who can keep from speaking?
See! you have instructed many,
And strengthened the drooping hands.
Your words have upheld the fallen,
Giving strength to tottering knees.
But now that trouble comes, you are impatient,
Now that it touches you, you lose courage.

Then Sean answered:
“What strength have I, that I should endure?
And what is my future, that I should be patient?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
Or is my body made of brass?
A friend should be kind to one fainting,
Though he lose his faith in the Almighty.
Teach me, and I will keep silent.
Show me how I have sinned.”

Then one of the other dudes answered:
“Is Mark a President of injustice?
Or can the President do wrong?                                                                                                         If you are pure and upright,
He will surely answer your email,
And will prosper your righteous abode.”

Then Sean answered:
“To be sure, I know that it is so;
But how can a man be just before Mark?
He is wise in mind and mighty in strength,
Who has ever defied him and prospered,
Blameless I am! I regard not myself;
I hate my life; it is all one to me.
Therefore, I openly declare:
He destroys the blameless as well as the wicked.”

Then the third dude said some wise sounding shit.

Sean then rambled on incoherently for some time, when finally Mark appeared riding a motorcycle. They had a lengthy chat and Mark gave back to Sean, a better golf cart, although I hardly think thats possible. Mark also gaveth to Sean some high power antibiotics, which did a great job clearing up the VD. Then Mark gave Sean a fancy boat with a really great sound system and Mark explained to Sean that he hired a new waitress, prettier than the rest but with very low self esteem so she puts out on the first date.

And after this Sean lived an hundred and forty years which is pretty fucking incredible if you ask me.

 

 

 

Denny Island gossip rag

Mad biter of Bella

Thats right folks, there’s a mad biter on the loose.  So far he’s claimed six victims, all of whom are eagerly awaiting the results of their rabies tests.  He was last seen roaming the streets of Bella with a pack of dogs.  If you happen to see him, call the local dog catcher.  The RCMP are also seeking a German immigrant for knocking out the mad biter’s K-9 teeth.  Simon continues to hide out from the law, so if you happen to be aware of his whereabouts, keep it to yourself.  We expect this to blow over quickly, or at least we’ll have a free place to stay in Germany should Simon be deported.  There’s always a bright side to every story.  In other news the RCMP are seeking interviews with Gunner and Angus in regard to the notorious breakwater dog incident.  If you have any information, keep it to yourself, or if you must share, contact yours truly.

Some people have too much money

This is a friendly note to the yachties that hired scuba Mike to make sure their anchor made it to the bottom.  Thanks for buying drinks, should you have any further issue, we’re still thirsty.

Bobby banned

This may be old news, but official sources have verified Bobby is banned not only from the Bar and Grill, but also the smoke pit.  He has been spotted attempting to recruit junior Shearwater employees to purchase cigarettes from the vending machine.  It may be tempting to help the poor guy out, but remember, the world is coming to an end on September 23 and its all Bobby’s fault.  Him and that wacky Korean dictator.  You could also put yourself at risk of being banned, Steve the barman has not been in a good mood lately.

Helicopter pilot vs. DB Dave

If you live in the Shearwater ghetto, you’ve likely heard the story and received the notice under your door.  DB has been sucking up vast quantities of cocaine laced with strychnine and meth and bringing his merry band of followers to the tarmac for iced tea and and a jerk off session.  Willow and Fabian aren’t having any of it and rumour has it, Fabian put DB over his knee and spanked him.  Its possible DB’s band will be disbanded in the aftermath of the incident.  Speaking of the tarmac, a couple young ladies were spotted leaving there with one of Shearwater’s newest and youngest employees.  The RCMP are investigating.

Kayakers

Its open season!  The BC department of whatever has announced an open season on old white people in kayaks.  There’s no bag limit, and its recommended that you “nudge” them with a fast boat.  Please circle back and make sure you did the job on the first pass, it would be sad to see them suffer.  But seriously, kayakers suck.

Have a great story?  Hit the contact button!

The coldest winter I ever spent…

Was a summer in Bella Bella.  I always thought Mark Twain said that about San Francisco, but apparently there’s no evidence he did.  June is supposed to be cold here, it’s Junuary, but July and August, that’s supposed to be summer on the central coast.  Unfortunately it seems that summer isn’t a real thing here.  We’ve had the odd sunny day, and sometimes we take our sweaters and rain gear off, but when the sun goes behind a cloud, reality hits, and we all shiver and pull our sweaters back on.  At least the dreaded horse flies and deer flies aren’t attacking us most days.  Someone said we get six feet of rain a year, but I’m sure it must be more than that.  Six feet is an awful lot, but a year is a long time and I’ve been pumping out my little boat.  I think there’s eight or ten inches of water in it now and I pumped it out last weekend.  Anyway, you should all come and visit, it’s beautiful country up here, and there aren’t any forest fires.

Anarchy at Sea

Last weekend, we sailed with our friends Willow aboard Sunshine III, Nick aboard Anarchy and Mike and Lindsay aboard Karukera to Goose Island.  Goose is well known around Bella Bella for its white sandy beaches, its population of wolves and its wild winter storms.  But for us, the conditions couldn’t be better. It was Nick’s first time taking Anarchy in the big North Pacific swell and he was as stoked as an Aussie bloke can be.   A quick Google search tells me this island, as close as it is to our tiny village is about as remote as any place on this coast. Wikipedia doesn’t have a page and if you look for the Goose Islands group Google thinks you’re looking for a park in Utah.

It’s been a long time since we’ve been to a nice beach and had decent weather, so it seemed like a no brainer to Kirstyn, Nick and I that we’d pull an all nighter on the beach. Duh, right?  Anyone who’s spent any time on BC’s central coast is probably aware that it rains.  It rains a lot, maybe a little too much.  So this was a welcome respite, and although there is a campfire ban, well it would be silly to admit to breaking the rules,(could someone tell the government that it hasn’t stopped raining for more than three days?) we had a hell of a great time.  Anyway, the south anchorage at Goose is less than ideal in anything other than calm weather, so it felt like a rare opportunity.  The only downside to this wilderness paradise, as far as I can tell, is the swarm of deer flies that attacked us Monday morning, that and concerns about Leeroy being taken by a pack of wolves. 

Garbage bear and his eagle sidekick 

 Nature and our trash often come together at the local dump. Gates and electric fences can’t always keep a guy like this away from last Thursday’s leftovers, and I fear that this young fellow, just coming into adult bearhood seems to be losing his fear of humans and our diesel powered machines.  He’s been spotted at different locations on Denny Island over the past several months, but lately he’s a landfill regular.  Hopefully he moves on, his breath must be terrible, and he’s not going to be long for this world if he continues his garbage bear lifestyle.  

Natural next step

Hello dear friends, for the last year or so we’ve attempted make our lives as interesting as possible, purely out of the selfish desire to have a great time.  Working is overrated.  Showing up at a certain time each day because you have bills to pay seems absurd now that we’ve tried being full time loafers.  In recent months we’ve again been gainfully employed.  The desire to return to loafing is ever present in our thoughts.  Its starting to feel like its time to move on.  So we set a date.  The countdown is on.

9/1/2017 We loaf again