Denny Island gossip rag

Mad biter of Bella

Thats right folks, there’s a mad biter on the loose.  So far he’s claimed six victims, all of whom are eagerly awaiting the results of their rabies tests.  He was last seen roaming the streets of Bella with a pack of dogs.  If you happen to see him, call the local dog catcher.  The RCMP are also seeking a German immigrant for knocking out the mad biter’s K-9 teeth.  Simon continues to hide out from the law, so if you happen to be aware of his whereabouts, keep it to yourself.  We expect this to blow over quickly, or at least we’ll have a free place to stay in Germany should Simon be deported.  There’s always a bright side to every story.  In other news the RCMP are seeking interviews with Gunner and Angus in regard to the notorious breakwater dog incident.  If you have any information, keep it to yourself, or if you must share, contact yours truly.

Some people have too much money

This is a friendly note to the yachties that hired scuba Mike to make sure their anchor made it to the bottom.  Thanks for buying drinks, should you have any further issue, we’re still thirsty.

Bobby banned

This may be old news, but official sources have verified Bobby is banned not only from the Bar and Grill, but also the smoke pit.  He has been spotted attempting to recruit junior Shearwater employees to purchase cigarettes from the vending machine.  It may be tempting to help the poor guy out, but remember, the world is coming to an end on September 23 and its all Bobby’s fault.  Him and that wacky Korean dictator.  You could also put yourself at risk of being banned, Steve the barman has not been in a good mood lately.

Helicopter pilot vs. DB Dave

If you live in the Shearwater ghetto, you’ve likely heard the story and received the notice under your door.  DB has been sucking up vast quantities of cocaine laced with strychnine and meth and bringing his merry band of followers to the tarmac for iced tea and and a jerk off session.  Willow and Fabian aren’t having any of it and rumour has it, Fabian put DB over his knee and spanked him.  Its possible DB’s band will be disbanded in the aftermath of the incident.  Speaking of the tarmac, a couple young ladies were spotted leaving there with one of Shearwater’s newest and youngest employees.  The RCMP are investigating.


Its open season!  The BC department of whatever has announced an open season on old white people in kayaks.  There’s no bag limit, and its recommended that you “nudge” them with a fast boat.  Please circle back and make sure you did the job on the first pass, it would be sad to see them suffer.  But seriously, kayakers suck.

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The coldest winter I ever spent…

Was a summer in Bella Bella.  I always thought Mark Twain said that about San Francisco, but apparently there’s no evidence he did.  June is supposed to be cold here, it’s Junuary, but July and August, that’s supposed to be summer on the central coast.  Unfortunately it seems that summer isn’t a real thing here.  We’ve had the odd sunny day, and sometimes we take our sweaters and rain gear off, but when the sun goes behind a cloud, reality hits, and we all shiver and pull our sweaters back on.  At least the dreaded horse flies and deer flies aren’t attacking us most days.  Someone said we get six feet of rain a year, but I’m sure it must be more than that.  Six feet is an awful lot, but a year is a long time and I’ve been pumping out my little boat.  I think there’s eight or ten inches of water in it now and I pumped it out last weekend.  Anyway, you should all come and visit, it’s beautiful country up here, and there aren’t any forest fires.

Anarchy at Sea

Last weekend, we sailed with our friends Willow aboard Sunshine III, Nick aboard Anarchy and Mike and Lindsay aboard Karukera to Goose Island.  Goose is well known around Bella Bella for its white sandy beaches, its population of wolves and its wild winter storms.  But for us, the conditions couldn’t be better. It was Nick’s first time taking Anarchy in the big North Pacific swell and he was as stoked as an Aussie bloke can be.   A quick Google search tells me this island, as close as it is to our tiny village is about as remote as any place on this coast. Wikipedia doesn’t have a page and if you look for the Goose Islands group Google thinks you’re looking for a park in Utah.

It’s been a long time since we’ve been to a nice beach and had decent weather, so it seemed like a no brainer to Kirstyn, Nick and I that we’d pull an all nighter on the beach. Duh, right?  Anyone who’s spent any time on BC’s central coast is probably aware that it rains.  It rains a lot, maybe a little too much.  So this was a welcome respite, and although there is a campfire ban, well it would be silly to admit to breaking the rules,(could someone tell the government that it hasn’t stopped raining for more than three days?) we had a hell of a great time.  Anyway, the south anchorage at Goose is less than ideal in anything other than calm weather, so it felt like a rare opportunity.  The only downside to this wilderness paradise, as far as I can tell, is the swarm of deer flies that attacked us Monday morning, that and concerns about Leeroy being taken by a pack of wolves. 

Garbage bear and his eagle sidekick 

 Nature and our trash often come together at the local dump. Gates and electric fences can’t always keep a guy like this away from last Thursday’s leftovers, and I fear that this young fellow, just coming into adult bearhood seems to be losing his fear of humans and our diesel powered machines.  He’s been spotted at different locations on Denny Island over the past several months, but lately he’s a landfill regular.  Hopefully he moves on, his breath must be terrible, and he’s not going to be long for this world if he continues his garbage bear lifestyle.  

Natural next step

Hello dear friends, for the last year or so we’ve attempted make our lives as interesting as possible, purely out of the selfish desire to have a great time.  Working is overrated.  Showing up at a certain time each day because you have bills to pay seems absurd now that we’ve tried being full time loafers.  In recent months we’ve again been gainfully employed.  The desire to return to loafing is ever present in our thoughts.  Its starting to feel like its time to move on.  So we set a date.  The countdown is on.

9/1/2017 We loaf again